Wednesday, January 27, 2010

A Work In Progress.

The aforementioned work in progress? That would be me.
Sometimes I wonder if I've wasted a good chunk of my life worrying what other people think and/or do. I used to care SO much what people said about me, and although I am not quite to a point where everything rolls off my shoulders... (someday perhaps...) I do find that I am not quite as concerned as I used to be.
Maybe that is because I have kids now and my family has shown me what is truly important, but I have found that in the past year especially, it all just seems less important.
On that note however, I am also becoming more aware of how important perception can be. I have had a few people comment lately that they were scared or intimidated of me before they knew me, and truthfully, part of me kind of finds it funny... (its just really bizarre to me), but at the same time, I feel like maybe I should work on being a little more aware of what I am putting out.
I want to go through my life teaching my kids that they don't need to worry about every little comment or gossip, however they also need to know that they are daughters of our Heavenly Father and they are representing our family and our values. I don't think people have the right to judge one another, but, the cold hard fact is we all do. At one point or another we do.
So, my new goal, (which seems to kind of be a recurring goal I have...)is to work on avoiding that. I always get so defensive if I overhear somebody saying something about someone I care about, so what I need to remind myself is this- if I am repeating something that I know shouldn't be repeated, no matter the reason, I am attacking a person that someone else cares about.
And if I can get mad about someone doing it to me, how can I reasonably justify my own anger. I don't know if that makes sense, I have had this on my mind for a while and I needed to get it out.
So, I am sorry if I have ever offended someone who is reading this. I am sorry if I have come off in a manner that intimidated anyone. And I am sorry if I have ever made a comment about anyone reading this that may have been offensive.
I'm working on it.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Things... Part Three

I am really really grateful for my husband. I am grateful to have the knowledge that we are not going to fall into the statistic that claims that fifty percent of all marriages (that begin in someone's early twenties) will fail. I am a really lucky girl to have married Ben. The truth is, when I was younger I definitely did not have a clue as to the way my life would end up, in fact, I never tried picturing it really. I was not the type to imagine my wedding day, I never really gave much thought toward what I wanted to be, and I didn't imagine the kind of mother I would be.
When Ben and I got married, I was freshly twenty, and moved straight out of my parent's house. Were there adjustments? You betcha! Was the first year hard... well, sometimes, and that kind of had more to do with where we lived at the time than the whole newlywed thing. However, we are going on six years married, eight together, and I feel better about our decision everyday. Probably more than I did on my wedding day, and I was standing there without a doubt then.
I have a husband who gets that sometimes I don't make the smartest comments. Sometimes I say things that most people would have left in their heads. And sometimes I frustrate him in ways he's never been frustrated. Despite these things however, we have learned to accept each other's quirks, and maybe even love them a little... okay- tolerate them anyway.
Bottom line, I am really glad he agreed to be my guy forever, because I think eternity is gonna be a fun time with him by my side.
One of our engagement pics...
Dancing at our wedding...
The day we went through the temple together...
The day we were sealed....
Right after Grace was born...
Right after Kai was born...
I just love this dude...

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Things I'm Thankful For... Part Two

I am so thankful for my kids. Both of them, equally. And I have to say at first I wasn't sure if it could be equal. I am probably going to come off as offensive for a minute here, but it is my blog, and this is honestly how I feel... I really thought I was gonna have a favorite. And I was pretty sure that favorite was Grace.
Yup, I just said that.
I had built up this huge bond with her, and while Ben was on the rigs for those two years, it was basically just Grace and I. She taught me a new kind of love and she was my little buddy. I took her everywhere... shopping, outings, dinners, church, staff meetings... I honestly couldn't stand being away from her.

So, when Kaia came along, I obviously loved her to death, and its not like she became this outcast that I shunned, but I sort of felt a little favoritism toward Grace.
Until Kaia started getting her personality. She's hilarious! Seriously sooo funny!
Until she started walking. It was adorable... and I still get a kick out of her "duck walk".
Until she started talking a bit. Yes, its slow coming, but every word is such a rush.

So what I have discovered is, I don't really favor one kid over the other... I favor an age. And that age is basically anything past one. I really don't LOVE the first year. I am different from a lot of moms in the sense that I am kind of counting down the months till my baby has her own personality. I realize it starts to come out in the first year, but it seems like after they hit that first birthday they really start to become fun. I now truly feel like there is no favoritism, (aside from when one of them is throwing a tantrum, then obviously its the other!)
This is my opinion, and I am fully aware that not everyone feels this way, I know my best friend looooves that first stage of "newbornness". I just don't really.
Anyway, I love watching my girls, and Ben has been gone to Utah for the past week, so I feel like I really had a chance to take them in since I was single parenting it. I feel blessed that I got this past week because I feel like I learned so much more just by trying to pay that extra bit of attention to them. Its kind of amazing to me that I can just keep increasing this closeness I feel for them, and I am so grateful every single day for the opportunity to do so.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Things I'm Thankful For...

I love this chick.
I am pretty sure we were best friends before we were born too, because there has just always been this familiarity between us. I feel so lucky to have a best friend that gets me as much as she does. We tell each other EVERYTHING, and I have never once felt like I am being judged or ridiculed... well except for a certain Christmas song incident...
She is the best friend a girl could ask for, and I know that everyone who is lucky enough to have her in their lives feel the same.